Saturday, August 20, 2016

Epilogue -- Part Six -- Trust The Optimist


You know how it is around an optimist, at times it can lift your mood. At other times it can be completely grating. The one I know personally is unwilling to accept the idea that I already know as much of myself as I'm ever going to.
People get this idea in their head that they know someone better than they know themselves. It never factors in that maybe one is misreading people. For one, that is what scares me about people. I'm never really certain how to read anyone. They could be hiding any amount of negative aspects of themselves, put a positive spin on themselves. They go on with their life buying groceries living their life without even really comprehending the sheer level of visceral feelings people have for others. For me, this feeling of the sheer visceral is something I've taken for granted all my life. Visceral emotion was what feeling I had to survive on.
You wake up at night, think you see shadows on the wall. They are calling your name and waiting to mock you and make you feel down. They weigh you down in bed and make you not want to get up. I find that people weigh me down. I find that if a person is hiding something from me, it is usually something negative about themselves. For all I know, that person may be carrying a stiletto in their person. I find myself attracted to broken birds, because that's the only honest way humans can be. If you have something who is perfectly sunny all the time, maybe you run. They probably have an ax behind their back, and waiting for the chance to strike.
On some level this is how I feel about optimists, they create a positive spin on things and their idea of human nature. Because they don't want to acknowledge how truly alien other people are. Keep in mind I've known friends that went on to commit petty crimes including theft. Try putting a positive spin on things to them, and they'll find the opportunity to take your car keys. People are more likely to steal from you if you trust them, and you have something they want. For a long time about this optimistic, I've wondered what ulterior thing they wanted for so long. She has this idea that being pessimistic somehow make you less complicated a person. That's like literally the opposite of the case. I've tried being optimistic, and many times in my life I've been burned about it. People making fun of me for finding their jokes funny, people gaming a board game session so they always win.
It's all par for the course.
It's all a game they play.

Whenever I see people marvel at optimistic cut scenes, I have to resist the times to remind them, "Hey hey there. You know that's a work of fiction right?" Their grasp of the real world is extremely flimsy. No wonder they are willing to just latch onto feel good things.
I've never been much of someone that likes to be a buzz kill. But when you get to the point you assume you know someone more they know themselves, I have to stop you. You only know as much about me as I'm willing to tell you. I am reminded of a guy friend I knew in high school, that would play this exact same kind of shit. Usually it would follow along with him trying to talk me into buying something I didn't really need. The only real time he bought me anything was going out to dinner or that time he got me a magic orb to predict the future with.
You probably the idea of what I'm trying to imply about people that claim to know what you want, so I'll spare my breath. Look I thought I was a necrophiliac for years, and the fact that it turned out I had a sexual thing for blood was about as optimistic as my thing was going to get. It's not like optimistic mood is a bad thing, but it's important to keep things in a little perspective. Allow that communication to happen rather than have a one sided conversation.
Anyone know me as well as they claim should know this.
I'm very bad at multi sided conversations when someone. So many of my friends so far have been this way.
Why should I expect you to be different?
You never have been. Trust the optimist, not the know it all.

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