Saturday, August 20, 2016

Chapter 1. The Immortal Beef And Cabbage


There is nothing like having a spoiled beef with somebody. It was close to the end of the 21st century, and I still haven't gotten a digital television. My family might as well ride on horse and buggies.
  
The thing about family holidays, is that I very rarely ever actually got to enjoy them, as I would so often have to catch up on schoolwork. Why bother catch up on work, if you're only going to get half credit for it, it's really more of a teacher's benefit than it is to the student's benefit. Christmas and Thanksgiving were the only holidays besides traditionally Irish ones I got to celebrate with any regularity.
  
If you've ever seen a slab of corned beef, you'll know exactly what corned beef and cabbage looks like. My mom used to make this for dinner from time to time on Irish/Scottish holidays although her own family was Welsh. Usually it would come in the form of a soup, I suppose as that is what is considered traditional. Can you blame me for initially expecting it to be my dad who would poke his fork sometimes, and just saying I just got less than I was expecting? The corn beef in the bowl would eventually go completely missing, and dad would just keep saying he wasn't doing anything. Obviously I was to docile at that point to really say anything.
  
So one night I checked the inside of the fridge, as it turned out the corn beef was seemingly dissolving. So that's what they put in that meat these days, I thought. Once again, as docile as I was I never made a sound about it. Well it turned out a few years later it turned out that studies would show that with some cows in a specific date, had almost an immortality gene. And so the beef would choose to eat itself rather have humans eat upon it.
  
So next time you get beef at the grocery, check the label.
  
You may have just eaten an immortal cow.

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