After
the firing of the guillotine gun blade, my head fell onto the street.
I found myself hallucinating remembering a previous time.
I
was in a cold and dark kitchen, with a giant woman the size of the
entire room sleeping on the floor. At times she would have heavenly
beauty and splendor, and at other times covered in silhouette. At
night she would be sleeping. I almost certainly did not want to wake
her up. This was the woman that I would eventually come to put poison
in her drink. If there was any lingering doubts about this, keep in
mind I had had this planned for months now. It is only recently that
all our money was spent, and there was no longer any financial
motivation--only the pain and scars that came with living here with
my verbally abusive room mate.
I
had decided that for the occasion, I will use bathroom cleaner. After
all it was what I used when I tried to poison myself three different
times before. So I walked into the other portion of the kitchen,
making sure she did not wake up from her sleep. I knew that by the
time the morning came she would be expecting tea. So I got a little
bit of it, and carefully hid an amount in a plastic bag that I shall
not specify, in case others seek to replicate my experiments.
Night
was almost over now.
It
was almost time for tea. I would then slip a little bit of poison
into my own drink, partially to assure her this was how tea normally
tastes. And the other half to make sure I didn't live to tell the
tale.
It
worked better than I was expecting. She dropped unconscious after
writhing in pain. I may never understand the full experience of being
another person, however I could reasonably imagine her vision fading
into night, her eye balls losing that glow that all living souls tend
to have. That loss of brightness just kills me. So there I was
sitting down on the floor, contemplating when to have my drink.
Eventually I swallowed just enough of the poison to make me sick, but
not die.
To
my detriment.
Keep
in mind it wasn't as if I didn't personally like her, but I needed
her to stop doing what she was doing to me, my self-esteem gradually
fading nightly as the hours of my waking drew to a close.
I
remembered when we first met each other at support group. I took her
as someone that was an opportunity to leave my unpleasant mother who
was sociopathic and a horrible kink shaming bitch, who at times treat
my like I was hell spawn sent to punish her from god almighty--if you
believe in that sort of thing. We moved to the north west portion of
the United States after the French imperialist take over. I wasn't
sure what would happen if police caught her with money enough to pay
six months of rent, and a car heading down the headway at one hundred
and fifty seven miles per hour.
It's
not like I cared if I got beheaded.
But
she was my friend.
In
China we would have already been shot, but it wasn't as if we stole a
car. I was just glad to be out of my mother's hair. So here I was
hoping that I could start my new life. However the reason she is so
big is all the alcohol we got, and all the cigars that I got to smoke
in the motel room. You wouldn't think we would have ran out of money,
well you wouldn't believe how much this bitch smoked! Well eventually
when she would help me explore my traumas, she would at times poke me
around my under garments, and then try to gently sooth me.
When
you have weird issues about sex anyway, it wasn't like this would
help me. Although her saying I would be really cute after HRT helped
somewhat. So it was this period where I eventually decided to end
everything.
I
poisoned her, I tried to poison me.
Instead
I enjoy the last few seconds of city lights, while my severed brown
pigtailed head takes in the last bit of scenery.
I
never knew the stars could be so faded.
I
know wake up in a forest filled with elves, fairies, and dragons. And
they welcome me home
in
to a new world.
We
had tea.
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